By Aleli V. Dorado-Suguitan
“Bakit kapag ang asawa ay namatayan ng asawa, ang tawag sa kanila balo o kaya ay biyudo o biyuda? Kapag naman namatayan ng ama o ina ang isang anak, ang tawag sa kanIya ay ulila. Ano naman ang tawag nila sa inang namatayan ng anak?” – Vilma Santos in ‘Maalaala Mo Kaya’ episode ‘Regalo’
Motherhood. An undertaking no woman has ever been prepared for. It is a courageous leap into the unknown abyss of bringing another life into this world. It is a selfless display of unconditional love, a brave feat that entails irreversible changes – nine months of physical transformation and balancing hormonal levels in anticipation of the miracle that is childbirth.
However, this extraordinary endeavor does not come without enduring the piercing birth pain, sometimes even leaving battle scars from C-section delivery. Emotions are mixed – of happiness brought about by the new bundle of joy, and of anxiety and uncertainty as you question yourself and your readiness to be able to give enough to raise this tiny human into a better member of the society.
While modern ideologies have shaped different priorities and definitions of womanhood, most women ultimately prefer experiencing the delights of pregnancy and motherhood. While women are now free to choose to be child-free, be a surrogate, to adopt, or become a furmom, still some frown upon these options, equating pregnancy and motherhood as the prime essence of being a woman. For some cultures even, pressure mounds when a woman has reached a ripe age yet, whether due to medical conditions or for the lack of a life partner, still are not blessed to bear children.
The Plight of ‘Almost a Mother’
In the midst of the fanfare and dreamlike vision of motherhood, there is the untold story of the “almost a mother”. These are women who have been blessed to bear fruits yet by some unfortunate circumstance had their dreams of motherhood shattered either by natural early termination or the nine-month term not coming to fruition due to stillbirth.
The experience of becoming an “almost a mother” ignites the unsolicited feeling of self-doubt and unwelcomed emotional distress. It is this limbo of feeling the joys of becoming a mother one minute then crashing hopes the next.
Bearing a child sparks unwanted paranoia, of being too careful just to make sure everything goes well, yet ‘almost mothers’, in their tragic fate, succumb to questioning themselves for not doing enough to salvage their unborn child.
No matter how the world becomes more liberal in its definition of motherhood and has now been open to discussing sensitive matters in connection to maternity and its effects on women’s health, still, the ‘almost a mother’ subject remains undiscussed, probably a faux pas for the topic to be even brought up.
Yet, while we sway away from the matter, know that there are women who are silently grieving. Women who will continue to ask “What might have been had the child been born?” Women who will, in their imagination, satisfy their yearning to become the doting mother to their unborn child.
Honor thy Mother
As we celebrate Mother’s Day, a day of reverence to the unsurmountable devotion of women who never cease to nurture their offspring, let us not forget to show some love for the “almost mothers” for they, no matter how ill-fated, still are mothers too.
